Character Scene/Script
Chris The following cartoon contains scenes of actual stupidity, some of the stunts which you are about to see were performed by animated objects! Do not try any of what you see here at home! Seriously, you could get really messed up! My name is Captain Christian Potenza, and I approve the following cartoon. Get Tooned, Be Tooned, and Stay Tooned! (laughs)
MePhone4 Greetings and salutations! I am your host, MePhone4. And this is Inanimate Insanity! A show where these objects compete for one... million... dollars! The challenges they will face will be gross, disgusting, and deathly. So, you don't wanna miss this!
(Cut to elimination area)
MePhone4 You see, the team that loses each episode will have to vote off a contestant, and that contestant will leave the game, never to return, EV-ER.
(Cut to contestants)
MePhone4 So, it's time for their first challenge!
(Intro plays)
MePhone4 Okay, so, the first challenge will be to jump off this 60 foot cliff, the first two contestants to jump off this cliff win and get to pick this season's teams.
Knife This should be easy.
MePhone4 Oh yeah, one more thing. You must land into the safe zone filled wih clean spring water, because if you don't, you will land in elephant feces.
Paper Um, what's feces?
Knife Feces: It's a nice word for crap, poop, dung, the kids in the pool.
Paper Ew, gross!
MePhone4 If you fall into the elephant poop, you lose, and you cannot jump again. EV-ER. So, everyone ready?
Paintbrush Well, actually, I had a question about--
MePhone4 (competely ignoring and interrupting him/her) START!!!
Pickle Don't worry guys, I have loads of experience in jumping off cliffs. (jumps but lands in the elephant poop while screaming)
MePhone4 And it looks like Pickle is out... in three seconds. That's just sad.
Paintbrush That's disgusting!
Balloon This challenge is mine! (jumps but falls very slowly) Oh, crap! This is not good!
Pepper Come on, Salty-Salt, let's jump together!
Salt Off that? No way.
Pepper But we are BCFFs! (Best Condiment Friends Forever) We have to be together.
Salt I'm sorry, Pepper, there is no way. No way that I'm doing that!
(Scene cuts to Taco and Lightbulb, Lightbulb is at the edge of the cliff with Taco preparing to kick her off)
Nickel Wait, Taco! Don't do it! NO! (Taco kicks Lightbulb, {s}he* falls into the water)
MePhone4 Wow, Lightbulb actually wins, thanks to Taco!
Nickel Thanks a lot, Taco! It's your fault Lightbulb won! (kicks Taco, she lands in the feces)
(Cut to Pepper jumping off)
Pepper Ahh! (lands in the feces)
Salt Oh my God! I'll save you, Pepper! (jumps off and lands on top of Pepper, they both sink in the feces)
(Marshmallow jumps off the cliff and almost lands in the water, but suddenly defies gravity, moving towards the feces, and lands in it)
MePhone4 Marshmallow's failure to use gravity correctly eliminates herself, so keep going!
(1 hour and 409 seconds of doing nothing and pathetic failure later)
MePhone4 Oh, come on! This should have been done a while ago-- wait, is that a balloon?
(cut to Balloon falling very slowly towars the water)
Balloon Yes! I'm so close!
(20 minutes later)
Balloon (even closer to the water) Alright!
(Eventually, with some fast-forwarding, Balloon makes it into the water)
MePhone4 Balloon also wins! Which means... they can pick the teams!
Balloon Alright!
MePhone4 ...but next episode.
Balloon WHAT!?
MePhone4 Yeah, you heard correctly. Next episode.
Balloon Oh, come on!
(Credits, shows the elephant poop)
Pepper Ugh, it smells so bad in here!
Marshmallow It's elephant poop, it's not supposed to smell like roses.
Salt It's your fault, you know! Your... oh, what's the word...? Dumb! Your dumb jumping!
Pepper We had to try!
Salt (grumbles) No, we didn't! When I get out of here, I swear--
Taco (interrupts Salt) SOUR CREAM!
Pepper That... doesn't... make... sense!
*Lightbulb was at first a boy, though this was changed around episode 3. For the first few episode transcripts, she will be referred to as a result of her original gender.