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Marsh on Mars/Transcript

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Character Scene/Script
(Cherries is walking to Soap, who is vigorously cleaning three rocks.)
Right Cherry Hey Soap, want to hear a joke?
Soap Sure! As long as it isn't a dirty one.
(Cheesy runs over breathlessly to Soap and Cherries, only to slap his knee, and leaves.) Cherries then mock Apple and Marshmallow's rivalry)
Left Cherry (Apple) Hey Marshmallow, I think you're really stupid!
Right Cherry (Marshmallow) Well, you're really, really stupid!
Left Cherry Oh no you didn't!
Soap Ha! It's funny cause they're mature!
Marshmallow (Walks over) Hey, you forgot Apple's horrifyingly raspy voice.
Apple And Marshmallow's voice that can shatter any glass!
Marshmallow HEY! (Shatters Test Tube)
Soap Hey, that joke wasn't clean! Look at all this glass! Shameful! (wipes the glass)
Left Cherry Thanks a lot! I spent a lot of time on that gag! (Cherries walks away)
Marshmallow

(Apple)

I'm Apple! I'm severely premature! And I have the IQ of a doorknob!
Apple

(Marshmallow)

I'm Marshmallow, I ruin holidays for people because you know, it's so hilarious!
Marshmallow I do not...
Apple Do too! You ruined Christmas for me! Why do you think I hate you anyway?
Marshmallow Oooohhh... I never realized that's the reason why you're so upset. Paintbrush and I never meant to hurt you, we just wanted to preserve your feelings.
Apple Wait, seriously? I can't believe I've been mad at you for THAT. I've been acting so spiteful, whatever that means.
Marshmallow Well, we don't have to be friends, but I definitely think a truce is in order! (Offers handshake) Truce?
Apple (Holds out hand) Truce!
(Cherries is hiding behind a bush, with a long strip of rope. Right Cherry has a knife.)
Left Cherry My gag was great, they're gonna pay for their rude remarks! (Cuts rope)
(While Marshmallow and Apple are shaking hands, Marshmallow is hit by a huge rock, screaming, she flies into the sky.)
Apple WHAT?! Marshmallow! WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!
Right Cherry Oh,
Left Cherry it was...
Right Cherry Box! I saw the whole thing with my own four eyes. (They stare at Box anxiously)
Apple Lightbulb! Box launched our team member into the Ectosphere!
Lightbulb What? I did not permit you to do that. Ugh, looks like I have no choice. Box, you're going to the Calm Down Corner.
Apple Wow, isn't that a bit harsh?
Lightbulb Nothing is too harsh for this inexcusable offense. He must suffer for his actions. (Tosses Box into the Calm Down Corner, who falls)
(Intro)
(MePhone4 and Toilet are with the Bright Lights)
MePhone4 Hey, Bright Lights, your dull performance last episode has caused you to be up for elimination. Everyone ready?
Paintbrush Well actually, I had a question about... um...
MePhone4 ...Yes?
Paintbrush Uuuh... Darn it, I forgot.
MePhone4 Oh, bummer! I really wanted to hear that question. Oh well, let's see, who will be first to go home this season?
Paintbrush WAIT! I REMEMBER!!
MePhone4 So, I want to introduce you guys to our newest cast member.
Toilet Oh thank you sir!
MePhone4 I can always count on him, and he's always there for me.
Toilet Oh, stop it you! (blush)
MePhone4 This person is also my new assistant.
Toilet OH MY GOSH, I--
MePhone4 MePad!
Toilet (Gasp) (Flush) B-but sir!
MePhone4 What? He's just here to read the elimination votes.
Toilet But sir, I'm your new assistant, I SHOULD READ THE VOTES!
MePhone4 [to MePad] Right, and what kind of processor do you have?
MePad I have the new A6 chip with a quad 4 dual processor.
MePhone4 Exactly!
Toilet Cherries, give me your mask. (Grabs MePad mask) I'M MEPAD I'M AN IDIOT BA-HA-HA!
MePad Not to be rude, but you should behave more professionally in your work enviroment.
Toilet What the BEANS does THAT MEAN?!
MePhone4 MePad, start the elimination!
MePad Of course. (Teleports to the elimination center)
Toilet MISTAH PHONE!
MePhone4 Hey... could you go get me some uh, some wires?
Toilet SURE THING, MISTAH PHONE!
MePhone4 Works like a charm. Anyway, we got prizes. And you know, if you are safe, you'll get a prize and this month's prizes are oatmeal raisin cookies!
MePad Sir, I'm sorry but according to the latest poll, 0% of the population like oatmeal raisin. I suggest you not make that decision again.
Fan What? Oatmeal?
Paintbrush Raisins? Ugh! Gross.
Lightbulb Uh, I kinda like oatmeal raisin... (Numerous reactions) Wait, what are you guys looking at?
Tissues Gwuys! Oatmeal raisin is the reason for global warming! GWUYS!
MePhone4 True, anyway, the following people are safe: Paintbrush (88), Lightbulb (122), and Fan (139). (Throws the cookies to said contestants)
Lightbulb (Eats cookie, disgusting Paintbrush) Mmm, I love that oatmealy raisiny taste!
MePhone4 So was Marshmallow (162). (Throws cookie at Marshmallow's empty seat) Wait, what the-?
Apple MePhone! Box sent Marshmallow to SPACE!
Right Cherry (Looking through telescope) Wow, she landed all the way on Mars!
Left Cherry Yikes!
MePhone4 Do you guys even realize how serious this is?
Paintbrush Pff, more serious than oatmeal raisin?
MePhone4 Marshmallow's in SPACE!
Test Tube Yeah guys, if you studied object anatomy, you would know that the objects die within an hour of being out of our atmosphere.
MePhone4 Yeah, but if she dies out of orbit, I won't be able to bring her back.
Test Tube Seems logical.
MePhone4 Well, our viewers are more important, honestly. So let's do the elimination first.
Apple But, she could DIE!
MePhone4 I know, could you imagine the lawsuits? Let's quickly get this done. Test Tube (150) and Cherries (184) are also safe. Congrats.
Test Tube Wow! Can you imagine the molecular structure?
Left Cherry Yeah, I can. And it's boring me to tears (points to Right Cherry, crying)
MePhone4 You three are left: Yin-Yang, you are reckless and fight with yourself, I mean, that's pretty weird.
Yin It's weird, I'm sorry for the trouble we're causing.
Yang No! I'm not! You're just dumb! Idiot!
MePhone4 Um, Tissues is just is, disgusting.
Tissues No I'm not, it's my condiShAWn- (sneezes)
MePhone4 And Apple, you're really stupid. Half of the words you say you don't even know the meaning of.
Apple I'm definitionally challenged! Leave me alone!
MePhone4 Yin-Yang, you're safe (399).
Yin Yes!
Yang (slaps Yin) No!
MePhone4 Apple, Tissues, one of you will be the first off the show. Let's see who it is. MePad, display the results.
(MePad reveals that Apple is safe with 554 votes while Tissues is eliminated with 700 votes.)
Tissues Why, seriously gwuys! It's my condiShAWn, wasn't it? AH-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO-CHOO! (coughs) (Apple runs away from him)
Cheesy It's just snot fair! (Slaps knee)
Apple Ah! Thank God!
MePhone4 Tissues, thanks for playing, your presence was... disturbing. Anyway, into the portal.
Tissues The what? (coughs)
MePhone4 The Rejection Portal, in, now!
Tissues But gwuys, my condiShAWN is really getting bad, gwuys! WRAH-CHOO! (Flies into the Rejection Portal)
MePhone4 and MePad are by the elimination center)
MePad That portal is quite effective sir, I admire its user functionality-
MePhone4 MePad, we have a serious problem: Marshmallow's in space! We can't bring her back if she dies.
MePad Well, it's nice you care so much for her, workplaces function best with caring bosses behind them.
MePhone4 What? I don't care about her, it's the lawsuits! I can't deal with any more lawsuits!
MePad Well, why don't you make the challenge to save her? That should solve the matter.
MePhone4 MePad, you're a genius! (With contestants) Okay guys, this challenge is gonna be out of this world. (Cheesy slaps his knee) Ugh, yeah. I think they get it, Cheesy,
Cheesy Just making sure!
MePhone4 So yeah, it's an outer space challenge. Build a rocket ship, fly to Mars, and rescue Marshmallow. But since Marsh isn't present, someone from team Grand Slams has to sit this one out.
Nickel How about you, Knife? You're good at sitting out!
Knife Sure, I guess.
Paintbrush We need materials to build the rockets.
MePhone4 (MePad is pushing the rocket parts) Uuuh...
MePad Psst! (with box of rocket parts)
MePhone! Thanks MePad, you're a lifesaver! (MePad pushes the box with his foot)
Paintbrush But what about the tools?
MePhone4 Uh, it's called a challenge, not a blueprint. Anyway, if you don't do it in one hour, Marshmallow will die; and you both will be up for elimination. So you better hurry.
Suitcase Don't worry everyone! I have all the tools we need! (Opens, with tools inside)
Baseball Wow, this should make this challenge a walk in the park!
Cheesy A ballpark? (Slaps knee)
Paintbrush Hey, I think Test Tube can build our rocket.
Lightbulb What makes you think she's qualified to do that?
Paintbrush Uh, because test tubes tend to be used for scientific purposes, and rockets are science-y things.
Lightbulb Oh, so just because Test Tube's a test tube, that means she'll be good at science? I don't appreciate judging people based on their appearance on my team.
Paintbrush What? That's not what I meant to do at all!
Lightbulb People like you make me sick...
Paintbrush Ugh, I'll just get some tools then.
Baseball Hmmmm.... it says this spaceship runs on, uh... lemons? Really? I've had enough of those!
Nickel Well I'm great at climbing trees, come on! (Climbs a lemon tree)
Baseball (Something brown drops on Baseball) Ew! Nickel what's this?!
Nickel Oh sorry, my chocolate bar melted again. Anyway here are some lemons!
Baseball (Several lemons are dropped on his head) UH!
Paintbrush (talking to Suitcase) Hey, can I borrow your hammer?
Suitcase Well, our team needs to win and, if I give it to you, it-it lowers our chances.
Paintbrush What? How could you be so selfish?
Suitcase I'm sorry! You're right! I can't believe what I've become. Take all the tools you need!
Paintbrush Thanks! (Carries all the tools to Lightbulb) There! I got all this stuff! (Drops tools) Now can we just ask Test Tube if she could build it?
Lightbulb Fine. Test Tube, Paintbrush insists that you build the rocket due to the limitations of its prejudiced mind. So, try your best, but I mean, you know, it's alright if you don't you know, you slip up and uh...(Utter surprise that the rocket is finished)
Paintbrush See? I was right.
Lightbulb This time, Paintbrush, this time. (Paintbrush facepalms)
Balloon So, anything I can help with?
Cheesy Don't you know, Balloon, you're not very pop-ular. (Slaps knee)
Balloon Look, I know I was a bit bossy, but I wasn't evil or anything. Just give me a chance!
Suitcase Of course you can help us!
Balloon (Drilling) There! I think it's complete, guys!
Nickel Wow! You actually helped, shocker.
Balloon HEY!
Baseball Quick, A half hour has gone by! Let's get this thing in the air. There's a three-person maximum capacity, though.
Suitcase I'll do it!
Right Cherry (Noticing Fan is typing on his laptop) Um, what are you doing?
Fan I-I'm observing every physical piece about you to put on my blog.
Right Cherry Um, that's a little weird. Anyway. aren't you supposed to be helping, not watching?
Fan Oh! I forgot! I'm just so used to watching and not competing you know.
Paintbrush Okay, okay. Save the monologue for the interview. Sheesh, just get in the rocket! (Kicks Fan onto the rocket) Yin-Yang, you go too.
Yin Yaaay!
Yang No! I would not go with such LOSERS! (Paintbrush walks over and slaps him) AAAAH!
Baseball We need another volunteer.
Balloon Can I go?
Baseball So you can hack our rocket? No. Way.
Balloon Oh come on!
Suitcase Baseball, Balloon wants to redeem himself, just give him a chance. Please!
Baseball (Sigh) Okay, why not?
Microphone (unnecessarily loudly) I'll go too!
Baseball Ow! You can if you never do that again!
Microphone (Hits power button, normal) Sorry.
Paintbrush We need a third volunteer.
Apple I'll do anything to save her! As my new friend, I will be there for her!
Paintbrush What? I clearly miss something, anyway, go.
(The Grand Slams' rocket takes off, with Trophy and Baseball watching)
Trophy Ugh! They're flying so slow!
Baseball It's just the perspective! It appears now they're moving at-
Trophy Shut up! You're such a nerd! Where's Knife? He's the only cool person here. (Walks, but soon finds out Knife is playing with his Dora Doll)
Knife Dora, you are my only true friend. Nobody else understands me. (Dora Doll says something in Spanish)
Trophy Oh. Well, well that's interesting. (Takes out a camera)
Knife What? Who's there?
Trophy (Takes a picture of Knife and his Dora Doll) Hey Knife, look at this awesome picture! Wait 'til everyone sees this.
Knife Wait, no! Don't show anyone that! Please! Please stop! I'll do anything!
Trophy (Stops) Anything?
Knife Yeah.
Trophy If you do everything I say for the rest of the competition, I will show no one this picture. However, if you don't, let's just say, no esta bien. Do we have a deal?
Knife Ugh, si, señor.
(Marshmallow on Mars)
Marshmallow (Echoing) Hello? Is anybody there? Oh, great, just great... Now I'm all alone. (Gasp) Just like Apple was! Yikes! I don't like feeling so guilty. (a rocket lands) Aaah! Aliens! (It's the Grand Slams volunteers) Oh, what a relief.
Suitcase Hey Marshmallow! I found you! Good thing you aren't dead!
Marshmallow Gee, thanks.
Microphone (Loud and echoing) Yeah-eah-eah-eah!
Balloon Wow, the gravity is really weird here.
Suitcase Quick! Let's go back!
(They go back in the rocket, and it takes off, passing the Bright Lights' rocket, the Bright Lights' rocket lands)
Apple Guys, look! Marshmallow turned into an egg! No! This is awful!
Yin Oh no! We are too late!
Yang I'm... so... glad! Hahaha!
Fan An egg? I must update the Fan blog! But there's no service up here. Aww...
Apple I'll take the egg, maybe we can bring her back, I hope... I'm sorry Marshmallow. I wish it didn't have to be this way.
(The Bright Lights get back on the rocket, and fly back to Earth.)
Marshmallow (Back on Earth) Yay, I'm back! Good thing to know I'm not dead in the vacuum of space!
MePad Well, at least you're back here safe and sound!
MePhone4 Yup, no lawsuits today! (MePad and Marshmallow give an angry look at MePhone4) I mean yay, you're healthy, woohoo...
Fan You mean the egg isn't Marshmallow?
Apple It isn't? Marshmallow! You're okay, I'm so glad!
Marshmallow Me too!
MePhone4 (Smacks Marshmallow) And nobody cares, but here's what does matter: you guys are for up for elimination because that egg isn't Marshmallow- wait a minute, where'd you get that egg from anyway? Eh, you know what? I don't want to know. I've had enough drama for today.
MePad But bringing a potential life form from a distant planet is highly dangerous.
Fan Boring. I'm keeping it. It'll remind me that wherever I am, I can always have somebody to be there for me in my lonely hours.
Trophy That's really pathetic.
Fan (Sigh) Yeah.
Toilet (Returns with green wires) Sir, sir! I brought your wires! You have no idea what I went through to get these!
MePhone4 Toilet, those are green wires! I wanted red ones! Go get me the right wires! Ugh, you never listen.
Toilet Oh, sure thing, Mistah Phone.
MePhone4 Anyway, team Bright Lights is up for elimination again. So viewers, vote for a Dull Light to be eliminated. You know, because they aren't so bright.
Cheesy Ooh! Ooh! (Slaps his knee in slow motion)
MePhone4 Vote on inanimateinsanity.com, simply click on the vote button of the contestant you want to leave. Voting ends May 8th.
(Credits, episode ends)

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