Salt: (talks to OJ) So I was like, "Yeah" and then, she was like "No way!" and then, I was like "Yeah way!" and she was like "Oh my god, like seriously? No way!" and then, I was like "Yeah girlfriend, heeey." and then, she was like "Honey, please." You know, I really miss Pepper. It's been like... one hour, twenty-seven minutes, and thirty-four seconds since I last saw her.
OJ: You counted?
Salt: (sees Pepper and waves at her) Hey Pepper!
(The two of them start walking toward each other while music plays in the background. They continue walking toward each other until OJ gets in the way of Salt and Salt bumps into him)
Balloon: So, I won last time. Where's my prize? I demand a prize! NOW!
MePhone4: Where did that attitude come from? Anyway Balloon, last time you and Lightbulb jumped into the safe zone before the rest of the contestants which means that you two get to pick the teams.
Lightbulb: OMG, really? Cool!
Nickel: Yeah, thanks to Taco.
MePhone4: So Lightbulb, you can choose first.
Balloon: How come he* gets to choose first? What about me?!
MePhone4: Well if you remember, Lightbulb fell into the water before you, so he* gets to choose first.
Lightbulb: Hmm... Nickel come over here, you get to be on my team!
Nickel: (walks over to Lightbulb) You've made a wise decision, Lightbulb. You won't regret it.
Balloon: Well, I choose Pickle. After his brave cliff dive, I now realize that-
Knife: (to Balloon) Yeah yeah. Enough with the six-hour speeches!
Pickle: (walks over to Balloon) Yeah! Chosen first, that's awesome!
Paintbrush: Yeah? Well, there's a first time for everything. And FYI, you were chosen second. (giggles)
Lightbulb: Hmm... Nickel, how about we choose Knife? He's strong, right?
Nickel: Fine, whatever.
Knife: (walks over to Lightbulb and Nickel) Yeah, you better choose me! Now I don't have to beat you up.
Nickel: (sarcastically) Phew! That's a relief! I was so terrified. (Knife kicks him) Ow!
Pickle: Hey Balloon, let's choose Taco.
Balloon: No way! Let's pick someone who is actually useful to the team.
Pickle: Taco, get over here! You can be on our team!
Balloon: What?! I didn't agree to that!
Taco: (jumps over to Pickle and Balloon)
Knife: Paintbrush is tall. He could come in handy someday.
Nickel: Paintbrush is a guy?
Paintbrush: (walks over to Lightbulb's group) Yeah!
Balloon: OJ, buddy! Get over here!
Nickel: Baseball, get over here! You have to be on my team!
OJ: Yeah, I agree, Pepper.
Lightbulb: Let's choose Marshmallow!
Knife: Oh great! A tiny weak object!
Pepper: Hey guys, how about we choose Salt? She's cool, right?
Balloon: No, not really. She's really (bleep). Let's choose Bomb. He has lots of exploding fun.
Nickel: That wasn't funny at all!
Baseball: Hmm, Paper or Salt. Which one should we choose?
Knife: Paper. He's cool. Plus, I don't feel like listening to Salt's "Like OMG, like no way!"
Pepper: Hey Salt, that means you get to be on my team now! Come on!
Salt: Well.... hmmm... ok!
MePhone4: Ok now. All of the contestants are assigned to teams. So each team, you have one minute to pick a team name.
Lightbulb: Just because we're so epic, how about Team Epic?
Baseball: It's perfect!
MePhone4: OK, you guys are now Team Epic; and Balloon's team, choose a name please.
Taco: Chicken Leg!
MePhone4: OK, Team Chicken Leg it is.
Balloon: What?! NO!
MePhone4: Now that the teams are picked, we can move on to the challenge.
Nickel: (sarcastically) Finally, about time.
MePhone4: Now back on track: If you noticed, there are two large lemon trees behind all of you.
Nickel: Hey, I found our tree! (kicks one of them)
Tree: Get off our branches, you little turd!
Tree 2: I'm an apple tree so just (bleep) off.
Lightbulb: What the?! Those weren't there three seconds ago.
MePhone4: No, they were not, and I'm talking about the trees over there that DON'T talk. Luckily, we had an app for that. Anyway, you guys have to take the lemons from your tree, and put them in your team's respective baskets. You must work together as a team for this challenge, or obviously, you will fail. The team to have the most lemons in their basket at the end of a three minute time period wins. Got it?
Paintbrush: Well actually, I had a question about-
Nickel: (climbs Team Epic's tree and gets to the top)
Baseball: Show off. (Nickel starts throwing down lemons and they hit Baseball's head and Paintbrush grabs them. Then Nickel drops something brown on Baseball's head and Baseball looks shocked)
Nickel: Sorry dude, I just couldn't hold that one in!
(Paintbrush is shown putting three lemons into Team Epic's basket and they get three points)
Balloon: Let's use the useless one to our advantage. (kicks Taco up the tree)
Bomb: (stutters) OK, that was kind of harsh.
OJ: Who cares? It worked, didn't it? Hurry up, Taco, give us the lemons!
Taco: SOUR CREAM!
Bomb: (stutters) OJ, don't you know? Taco doesn't speak English, only French and some other words.
Balloon: We're so doomed!
(Paintbrush adds three more lemons into Team Epic's basket and they get another three points)
Balloon: (groans) No! COME ON!
(Paintbrush and Marshmallow adds more lemons into Team Epic's basket, making their score up to 18 while there is still 0 for Team Chicken leg)
Pickle: You know, you could be a little nicer to Taco, it's not her fault.
Balloon: Well, you're the one that chose her and she's such a (bleep).
Pickle: I'll show you who's a (bleep)! (kicks Balloon up to the tree)
Knife: Don't worry Paper, we don't need to compete. I brought my portable DVD player. Let's watch the best show ever!
Paper: You mean Desperate Housewives?
Knife: Yeah dude!
Paper: (he and Knife are now watching Desperate Housewives) No Shelley, don't cheat on Matt, he's a nice dude!
Knife: It's... so... sa-ad!
Balloon: (lands on the top of the tree) Whew! Hey, I'm in the tree, but there aren't any lemons up here. No fair! The tree is rigged!
Pickle: Balloon, nature can't be rigged, it doesn't work that way.
Bomb: (stutters) How are there no lemons in our tree?
MePhone4: Twenty seconds left, and it looks like Team Chicken Leg is pretty much doomed.
Balloon: Oh great. You know what, Taco? This is all your fault! Taco, you suck! (kicks Taco and Taco [while popping Balloon in the process] spits out 31 lemons, now making the score 31 to 32 with Team Epic still winning)
OJ: What the hell?
Paintbrush: Don't worry guys, we're still in first place, and there's only a couple seconds left.
(Taco then spits out two more lemons, now making the score 33 to 32)
MePhone4: Time's up! And the score is 33 for Team Chicken Leg and 32 for Team Epic, so Team Not-So-Epic loses! One of their members is going home today.
Knife: Wow guys, you actually lost to Taco? That's really sad.
Nickel: At least we did something. You just sat there and watched Desperate Housewives and that show is terrible!
Baseball: You guys are so eliminated!
MePhone4: Speaking of elimination - and I don't mean my bowel movements - Team Epic, come with me to the elimination area. It's time for you to vote which contestant should leave. (at the elimination area) All the votes are in, and it's time to see which contestant will leave the game... FOREVER. When I call your name, it means you are safe, and you get to stay for another episode. For every episode, you will get a little gift when you are safe. (shows a plate of chocolate chip cookies) This time, we have a hot plate of chocolate chip cookies. So if you get no cookie, you leave the game. Now Nickel, you received no votes against you, so you get to stay for another episode (gives Nickel a cookie). So are Baseball, Lightbulb, and Paintbrush, who also received no votes (gives the three aforementioned contestants cookies). Marshmallow, Knife, and Paper, you all received at least one vote. Marshmallow, with only one vote, you are safe (gives her a cookie). Knife and Paper, you both received 3 votes and are tied. We will have to settle this with a tie breaker challenge.
Paper: And what might that be?
MePhone4: Well you both are standing on a small platform, suspended over a lake.
Paper: Hey, how did we get on...
MePhone4: The first contestant to fall off the platform and into the lake below is eliminated. Oh yeah, and you can't come back... EVER. It's that simple. Go!
Knife: You actually think you can beat me up? (slaps Paper and he almost falls into the lake but grabs onto the bottom)
Paper: Whoa, that was close! (Knife throws a bowling ball at Paper) Ow. What the heck, Knife?! (Knife then throws an apple, Taco and a dolphin at Paper) Was that a freaking dolphin?
Knife: Bye bye! (drops a piano on Paper)
Paper: Wait, wha-(piano drops on him and he falls in the lake)
MePhone4: That's it. Paper, you are eliminated. That wraps things up, so tune in next time for another amazing episode of Inanimate Insanity!
*Lightbulb was at first a boy, though this was changed around episode 3. For the first few episode transcripts, she will be referred to as a result of her original gender.