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Character Scene/Script
Marshmallow and Apple (Sunny day, both of them are drawing pictures, surrounded by flowers)
Apple  Look, Marshmallow! I drew us! (She shows Marshmallow a poorly drawn picture of her and Marshmallow in a grassy field, with the words "Bast Frends" [sic] on the top, and above Apple & Marshmallow are their names misspelled.)
Marshmallow That's nice, Apple! But... you did spell everything wrong.
Apple Oh, not again! (crumples up paper and tosses it into pile) Anyway, what are you drawing?
Marshmallow Oh, pfft. It's nothing!
Apple Let's take a look! (grabs Marshmallow's drawing)
(screen shows a scribbled picture of Bow and a chair. Apple looks extremely scared)
Apple Why'd you draw that?
Marshmallow Well... to be honest... I've kinda been feeling guilty about... well... Bow.
Apple

What? Why? Because you put her into a tiny box and made her turn evil and go on a rampage and kill MePhone5 and then she fell off a cliff, (inhales) caused a huge explosion and killed herself?

Marshmallow I was going to say responsible for her death, but yeah, that too.
Apple Who cares about that? Bow was a disgusting and annoying menace!
Marshmallow Well I for one, thought she was REALLY nice.
Apple Oh, uh, TOTALLY! She was awesome! Amazing! Heh...
Marshmallow You know what? Why is she even dead? Everyone else can just magically come back to life except her!
Apple Uhh...
Marshmallow I'm going to ask MePhone to BRING BOW BACK! (walks away)
Apple Hey, WAIT! You don't have to do that!
(Cut to MePhone4 sitting by a tree, about to download MeOS 7.0)
Marshmallow MEPHONE!
MePhone4 Oh, uhhh... (automated voice: We're sorry, the number you have dialed is not in service at this time.)
Marshmallow You're not fooling me with that.
MePhone4 Ugh... Fine! What is it?
Marshmallow I want Bow back! It's not fair that she's still dead!
MePhone4 Wait, Bow? You still care about her?
Fan Yeah! She's like the fan favorite! This season's headed in the wrong direction! I don't want my little egg to hatch into a sub-par Bow-less season!
MePhone4 Uh... how long have you been standing there?
Fan Uh... heh.. Just-JUST STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT, MEPHONE! You can bring every character back to life! So why not BOW?!
MePhone4 I bet you feel real special for figuring that out, don't you?
Fan Very!
MePhone4 Look, guys, it's not gonna happen!
Fan Yeah, right! You're just saying that 'cause you hate her!
MePhone4 Oh yeah? We'll see about that. (opens up his MeLife app, then presses the Bow button. Bow starts to appear, but fails to) See? I didn't want to disappoint you guys, but she's GONE. For good. She died while I was dead as well, so I never got the notification to recover her.
Marshmallow WHAT?
Fan (gasp) What an upsetting twist!
Apple Oh, this is terrible! Just terrible! Let's vent our feelings through art! (drags Marshmallow away)
MePhone4 (gets a phone call and vibrates) WHAT?!
Adam MePhone?
MePhone4 Oh, uh.. Hi, Adam. What's up?
Adam I can tell you what's not up. Our ratings. They've gone down ever since Bow died. I don't care what you do. We need the fan favorite back, pronto! (hangs up)
MePhone4 (sigh)
Toilet HELLO, MISTAH PHONE!
MePhone4 Toilet, where have you been? You were gone 3 months!
Toilet Oh, well, I had a bit a' trouble finding those wires for you, sir, but I got them.
MePhone4 Say, Toilet. You think you can get me something other than wires?
Toilet OH, ANYTHING FOR YOU, SIR!
MePhone4 You need to find a way to bring Bow back to life.
Toilet But, sir, you just said it couldn't be done!
MePhone4 Toilet, this is your chance to prove yourself to me. So don't screw it up.
Toilet Oh, boy! I'll sure do my best, Mistah Phone!
MePhone4 If the viewers want Bow, oh, they're gonna get more than enough of her. Then no one will be clamoring to see her ever again.
(Intro plays)
(At the elimination center)
MePhone4 Welcome back, Grand Slams. How does it feel to suck so much?
Knife Well, you would know.
MePhone4 As I was saying, today, the prizes are leftovers from Soap's disgusting pizza. Barely anybody ate it, so we have plenty to go around.
Baseball EWW! Isn't that pizza, like, over a month old by now?
MePhone4 Yeah, but I don't think the pizza could possibly be any worse than it was then.
(Everyone except Soap agrees)
MePhone4 Anyway, this time we received a total of 3851 votes. To start, Baseball, Nickel, Knife, Suitcase, Balloon, and Microphone all live another episode.
Baseball (gets pizza thrown at him) Aw, ewwwww!
MePhone4 Soap, Cheesy, and Box remain.
Soap But I worked so hard for the team!
MePhone4 And that's why you're the next safe.
Soap Oh, yay!
MePhone4 Just kidding. Next safe is Cheesy!
Soap (GASP) YOU!
Cheesy (catches the pizza and rotten sauce gets all over the top of his head) Wow! I can't wait to finally taste the pizza! I really put myself into it! (slaps knee)
Nickel Well, that's an image I'm not getting out of my head.
(Camera just points at Box, silence)
MePhone4 Okay, that's enough of your attitude, Box. Show the votes, MePad!
MePad No problem, sir! (loads the votes, and the final results are shown: Box: 1442 Soap: 1102)
MePhone4 Soap! You get the last slice of pizza. Don't eat it too fast...
Soap (pizza splatters on her face) Oh, come on! It couldn't possibly be that bad, could it? (eats pizza, then vomits)
Suitcase Oh no! Box is eliminated! We're really gonna miss you!
Nickel Yeah, you were really helpful, Box! Hey, what kind of box is Box anyways?
Paintbrush It's a cardboard box. Can't you tell?
Lightbulb Painty, tall fella, brush gal, don't be silly! Box can be whatever it wants to be!
Apple Well then, let's settle this. I'll look inside.
Lightbulb Be. Careful!
Test Tube Quick, everyone, form your hypotheses!
Apple (opens Box and gasps)
Microphone WHAT IS IT?!?!
Apple T-Taco?!
Soap, Balloon, Fan and Paintbrush WHAT?!
Knife (walks over to Box and opens it himself) That says Box.
(Camera zooms out, revealing the word "Box" written in pink letters inside Box)
Apple Well, I was close, at least.
MePad My apologizes, but the competition has been stalled long enough. It is time for Box to make his departure.
Suitcase I'll miss you, Box!
MePad (kicks Box into the portal)
Toilet MISTAH PHONE! MISTAH PHONE! I did it!
MePhone4 You found Bow? Really?
Toilet Em, no, but I found the next best thing!
(Camera dramatically moves up to reveal Dough)
MePhone4 Eh, good enough.
Toilet Good enough? HA! Take that, MePad!
MePad Um... sure, consider it taken.
MePhone4 Hey, contestants, come over here. So I've been informed that many people have been anticipating Bow's return to Inanimate Insanity. Buuut she's dead!
Nickel How upsetting.
MePhone4 So we found the closest thing to Bow.
Marshmallow Wait, WHAT?!
Toilet Introducing the new Bow, Bow's alleged big brother, Dough!
Dough Hi guys, I'm Dough.

(everyone looks weirded and/or confused, Fan especially)

Nickel: This is the best you could do?

Toilet: Aha! Dough is just like Bow, but different! Instead of chairs, he likes stairs!

Dough: They're the best. (proceeds to fall down elimination stairs)

Marshmallow: How could you just replace her with that THING?!

Fan: It's... not the same...

MePhone: It's everything you liked about Bow in a new, different form! So quit complaining! Anyway, the winner of the next challenge will win Dough as a new member of their team, so this challenge is a soccer match.

Dough: Wouldn't it, like, be better if it was, like, a bear competition, because bears are so totally awesome.

Paintbrush: Wait, aren't you addicted to stairs?

Dough: Pfft. Those are so, like, thirty-four seconds ago. I like bears. Alright, wilderness!

MePad: And what's next? Mares?

MePhone: Now, since the Grand-(pushes Toilet away) Now, since the Grand Slams outnumber the Bright Lights, we need someone from the Grand Slams to sit out. Sooo... Nickel. Go sit in the bleachers.

Nickel: What?! But this is soccer! The sport for the legs only!

MePhone: I know. Now get out.

Lightbulb: Alrighty sports fans, we're going to have to dribble around those bases to get the touchdowns we need to checkmate the other team!

Paintbrush: *sigh* Lightbulb! I really appreciate you winning the last challenge, really, I do! But we really need to get our head in the game here, so please, don't do anything stupid!

Lightbulb: You can count on me. If we're gonna hit that bullseye, we're gonna knock those pins down as a team, but you can't be drownin'!

Paintbrush: Right...

Fan: I'll volunteer as goalie. You DON'T want me out on the field. Uh-uh.

(scene changes to a soccer field)

Balloon: So... who's gonna be our goalie?

Baseball: Uhh... Mic, how 'bout you?

Microphone: Aww, but I want to play out on the field! I'm sure I'll do great!

Baseball: Yeah, well... you've had a tendency to mess up challenges with your, uh... loudness, so maybe it's best you just take it easy.

Microphone: But I won the dodgeball contest! What do you think, Suitcase?

Suitcase: Uh... I guess if that's what my alliance member wants...

Microphone (depressed) Okay... (walks up to goal) I'll show them! I'm not screwing this up.

MePhone: Whichever team is the first to five goals wins. Get your mark, on set... (blows whistle)

Lightbulb: (to Apple) Yo, vitamin C, send me!

Apple: Here, Marshmallow, take it! (kicks to Marshmallow)

Marshmallow: Umm... O-kay, then... (kicks ball to Paintbrush)

Microphone: Come on! Come on! Hit me with your best shot!

(Paintbrush runs up, but is knocked over by Baseball)

Microphone: *sigh*

(Baseball kicks it towards the Light's goal, but Fan opens up, blocking it)

Paintbrush: Nice save, Fan!

Fan: Wow! I never knew I could be good at sports! Maybe I should rethink spending my life in front of of a computer screen! (picks up ball and tosses it to Test Tube)

(Test Tube receives ball, but ball is stolen by Soap)

Soap: Ha!

Test Tube: Uhhhh...

(Soap kicks ball to Baseball, who sends it flying at Fan, tearing through him and scoring a goal for the Slams)

Fan: *sigh* Never mind...

Baseball: Le-egs!

(Cheesy runs up with ball and kicks it towards Fan, who jumps to avoid it, sealing another goal as team cheers for Cheesy)

Cheesy: Heheh. Who knew all that slapping would give my leg endurance?

Apple: Marsh, my buddy ol' pal, take it. You got this! (kicks ball over Marshmallow)

Marshmallow: Noooo!

(ball lands on Knife's feet)

Apple: Hey! Give that back! That ball was for Marshmallow!

Knife: Uhh, sorry. No.

Apple: How would you like it if I took your Dora Doll, sissy?

Knife: Oh, in that case, here you go! (kicks ball in Apple's face) You like that?

MePhone: (blows whistle) Knife, that's a penalty for unnecessary roughness. Sit on the bleachers.

Microphone, Soap, Balloon: Oooooooh! (Test Tube walks up to them, spouting gibberish)

Knife: Grrrrr! Fine! (sits on bleachers next to Nickel)

Nickel: Knife, what was that?! I thought after you saw how mean Trophy acted, you would become a nicer person!

Knife: Look. I'm a jerk, remember?

Nickel: Listen. We're more alike then you think. Mean thoughts fill my head too! You just gotta transform them into sarcasm so you won't come off as mean to people!

Knife: Sure, whatever. Worth a shot.

Dough: Hey guys, I'm bored. (to Microphone:) Hey, you! I'm like, bored!

Microphone: So am I, but not enough to talk to you.

Dough: Well, you should totally buy a dare.

Microphone: Another chair rhyme, huh? Guess what. Nobody cares! (ball flies past Microphone as Lights cheer)

Microphone: What?! No!

Baseball: What was THAT, Microphone? Okay. Clearly you need to be even FURTHER from the action. I'll be goalie now.

Microphone: WHAT?! BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!

Baseball: Augh! Why don't you go play another position?

Microphone: (turns herself off) Fine! (to Dough:) You! I dare you to jump off a bridge!

Dough: Ugh. Like, mean.

Nickel: So for sarcasm, you gotta use this tone.

Knife: Oh. This tone. I think I've done that before. But I never knew it was an art.

Nickel: Well, now you can witness the artist in action. Hey, Dough! You're really a great Bow knockoff!

Dough: Yah, whatevs.

Nickel: See? I got my feelings out without coming off as a complete jerk! Now you try!

Knife: Okay. Hey. Cheesy! Your jokes are terrible!

Cheesy: Oh. So we got a heckler in the crowd today, eh?

Nickel: Knife! That's not how it works!

Knife: But I'm doing that emphasis on some words thing that you did!

Nickel: Ugh, sorry Cheesy, you don't understand.

Cheesy: Oh, I understand. This sharp guy thinks he's better than me!

Suitcase: Cheesy! We're still playing!

Cheesy: You think you're funnier than me, Knife? Why, I oughta (begins to punch, but is punched first by Knife)

Nickel: Why did you do that?!

Knife: My bad. Just a reflex.

Nickel: Yeah, that'll make people like you.

Knife: Really? Or, wait, is that the sarcasm again?

Nickel: Aaaaugh!

Apple: Yes, I got the ball back! Marshmallow, where (is punched into ground by Yin-Yang) Augh!

Yin-Yang: (Yang) Hah! Take this, losers! (kicks ball into own goal)

Fan: Hey!

Yin-Yang: (Yin) Yes! I mean, no! That was the wrong goal! (Yang) No, I'm pretty sure it was the right goal! (punches Fan while holding ball)

Fan: What?! (ball lands in goal again)

Yin-Yang: (Yin) Okay, that time was on purpose. (Yang) So was the last time! Idiot!

Soap: Aww... it's cute when they argue!

Paintbrush: (clears throat) Lightbulb, someone's been acting pretty offensive, and I think that somebody deserves to go to the Calm Down Corner.

Lightbulb: Couldn't agree more, Painty! (beat) So, uh, what are you waiting for, go.

Paintbrush: WHAT?! Not me, I'm perfectly calm!!

Lightbulb: Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judicial branch. Let's go.

Paintbrush: HMPH! (goes to Calm Down Corner)

Lightbulb: What a spaaz...

Baseball: Well, not much competition when the competition is helping us win!

Yin-Yang: (Yang) (laughs evilly)

Dough: (very quietly) You suck!

Nickel: Here, Knife, let's try this one more time. Uh... Balloon! You're so trustworthy!

Balloon: Huh? What's with the sarcasm? Oh, come on, guys, I thought you were just starting to like me!

Knife: We do!

Balloon: So you're saying you don't? (runs off crying)

Knife: Ughh. Well, this plan worked perfectly!

Nickel: Wait. Say that again.

Knife: I said this was a great idea.

Nickel: You did it! That's sarcasm!

Knife: Oh, really? Well, thanks for showing it to me, Nickel. I really appreciate it!

Nickel: No proble- HEY!

MePhone: Okay, we're entering the final minutes of this game, and Bright Lights, since you're so far behind, I've decided to give you one last chance to catch up. Each of you gets a penalty shot against the Grand Slams.

Test Tube: Guys, according to my grade school calculations, we have to get at least four shots past Baseball to win!

Fan: Four shots?! We'll NEVER make it!

Lightbulb: Calm down, Paper. If we put our minds to it, we can accomplish anything! And we can't act like spazzes on the way. So let's win this challenge! The BRIGHT WAY!

(cheering plays as Marshmallow, Apple, Test Tube, and Fan all kick soccer balls at the goal, which harmlessly bounce off Baseball as cheering stops)

Lightbulb: Well, I think that was a bit, how you say, anticlimactic.

MePhone: And that's the end of this challenge. The Grand Slams win by a landslide.

Yin-Yang: (Yang) Serves my loser team right.

Microphone: Well, at least we won, but next time my skills are really gonna kick in!

Cheesy (slaps knee) Ha! Kick! Soccer! Pun!

MePhone: So Grand Slams, as your prize, you get Dough on your team!

(Most of Grand Slams cheer, then get disappointed)

Suitcase: I, for one, welcome this new change to our team. We can't just live in the past! We have to move on; be willing to try new things!

Dough: I agree. Copy the past. Never try anything different. Yah guys, it's going to be amazing. Now who wants to buy an affair? (gets eaten by Yin-Yang)

Suitcase: Ahh! Yin-Yang! Why'd you do that?

Yin-Yang; (Yang) Yin ate him! (Yin) You can't be serious! (Yang) It couldn't have been me! I'm gluten-free! (Yin) Okay, I ate him. I was starving!

MePhone: Oh no! Dough's dead now too!

Baseball: Well, you can always bring him back to life, right?

MePhone: I would, but I never had the time to create a life icon for him. What a shame!

Knife: Sarcasm. I like it.

MePhone: So Dough is dead forever. Looks like he isn't joining the game. So sad. Anyway, vote for a Bright Light on inanimateinsanity.com.

(credits roll)

(scene cuts to Calm Down Corner at night, with Paintbrush still sitting in it.)

Paintbrush: *sigh*

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